tarekturjuman

I hate cover letters!

In Young unemployed professional on May 21, 2009 at 2:55 PM

WARNING: The following writing style might not make sense or follow the commonly accepted style of writing and communication, you might get confused and want to pull your hair out. I don’t intend to offend, inspire, or sell anything. I am just typing!

So another day sitting on my dinning room table answering stupid question after stupid question on all these online job applications. Great, one of them wants a cover letter.

I loathe cover letters. I think they are stupid, and don’t really say anything because what they ask you to include in them or what your taught to include in them is the same stupid information the lazy HR lady can find on your resume. Or is it suppose to state how passionate I am about the job I am applying for? Or prove to the organization, somehow, that I could be a great choice for the incredibly lucrative position of “Administrative assistant”? I don’t get it.

Let’s see, how should I begin? I am a trustworthy, multi tasker (how do you spell that?), problem solver, polite, effective, efficient, intelligent, clean, have nice suits, know how to use most computer programs; and if I don’t I’ll pretend to and then Google instructions or you tube a tutorial when you are not looking, (I hope the person next to me is nice, if I get the job, because I totally know how to use Photoshop but I don’t, if you know what I mean). What else can I say that will get me an interview, or could possibly not bore the HR lady, or most probably the unpaid intern, reading this?

Ok, I am going to try something new today I think. But what?

What has gotten me an interview in the past before? I don’t know! No one tells me. I once asked and interviewer what got me the interview, and all she said was, “I have no idea, you’re going to have to take that up with HR.” Another time I asked another interviewer, a friendlier one, what got me the interview and she said, “Probably your great personality.” I don’t know what face I looked at her with at that point but I am sure the words idiot were spelled with my eyes, for how could this lady possibly judge my personality through a piece of paper. I had not even spoken on the phone with her. Truth is she had no idea, and she didn’t want to think about it, and she really didn’t care, and it was 11:30 AM so she was probably getting hungry and thinking of the big burger special down the street and how she wouldn’t feel guilty eating the burger since it was a Friday and diets only get started on a Monday. 

Truth is no one cares, and 99% of our resume and cover letter submissions are thrown away and ignored, even if we think they were eye catching and different, most people working in offices today are so under paid, under motivated and to financially stressed to actually give a rat’s ass and take the time to thoroughly asses wether the person whom wrote the letter in their hands would be the right candidate for an interview. I truly and passionately believe that the only way to secure an interview today is CONTACTS.

Don’t waist your time sending out expensive print outs of your portfolio and catering every resume submission according to the company. Most, if not maybe two, of the maybe fifteen interviews that I have been on, have not been inspired by a connection I had within the company.

I say screw the cover letter, and go to happy hour today. I have met so many people under the influence of alcohol, which have allowed me to interview without submitting a stupid cover letter or a specialized resume.

Ok, got to get back to the cover letter. I think I have an idea. I am going to try and be as honest as possible on this one and if someone bothers to actually read it then I’ll let you know if I get the interview.

So:

Dear bored HR lady or unpaid intern, who is too hungry or hung over to really give a crap about what I am about to say ….

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  1. Love it!!! soooooooooooo trueeeeeeee! screw cover letters! I hate them with a passion!

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